Shoestring Surger still at large– with a capital L!

LargeCorp is at it again with another zany scheme for world domination! Will these dastardly villains ever call it quits? L-corp, a Trump subsidiary, has been hashtag confirmed by this reporter to be the one, the only, the king of sinful sots–

That’s right folks, complete with the sickly green tinge, the protruding potbelly of privilege, and the hands ten sizes too small. He’s a mean one, Mr. Grinch!

When all the Zu’s down in Zuville were snug in their beds, with dreams of good business in the year up ahead, or at least breaking even with a roof overhead…
L-Corp was stinking, stanking, and stunking, to the poor Zu’s dread.

Po zu-zu
Whatzit who woo
Wowza! H-h-howza?
Who’da woulda cooda
Shoulda coulda doo wop
Fritchet ditchet widget
“perfectly valid” my–
Patootie ood dee doo dee!

I told myself I wouldn’t get emotional, but boy, that really crumbles this reporter’s cookies. The Krampus is real kiddos– he’s switchin’ swipin’ and slingin’ your shoes, he’s surging the power at the stroke of midnight just as you were ’bout to break free from the friendzone, he’s getting between that thing that we have!

He’ll charge you $82.95 on your $49.99, for the very same power-lines from which your rainbow peace-sign high-top converses still hang by a tattered lace. His name is XFINITY Internet, he works for LargeCorp, and this reporter done got herself stuck on the wrong end of his twenty nine and a half foot pole.

As I wish upon my Daily Star
I wonder who these cooks think they are
Up above in their world to high
Like a venereal disease of the eye
This one for my nightly stars
Now I wonder where you are