TMGS Cookies

It’s the end of the month– if you’ve ever had to worry about such expenses as rent, utilities, insurance scams, food… you know that struggle. If this is a circumstance you are altogether unfamiliar with, then you can rest assured knowing I will not subject you to such plebeian delicacies as hotdog-waffles or peanut-butter-ramen. But as you savor those thoughts for a moment, I offer the perfect ‘starving artist’ cliche, and this here recipe for whatever ya got in your pantry cookies–

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preheat oven to 350 degrees

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
1 cup sugar: ½ brown or coconut sugar, ½ cane sugar
¼ cup cocoa, or a dash of cinnamon + flour

sift dry ingredients

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1 stick butter (softened) or ½ cup oil
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 teaspoons milk, water, coffee, or liquor

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¼ cup peanut butter and/or maple syrup
chocolate chips, raisins, nuts, and/or quick oats
use ’em if ya got ’em

mash it all up into a firm dough

use a pasty tool, potato masher, couple of forks, or your bare hands
add water/milk/coffee if too dry
add flour if too wet

roll dough in balls
pretty much any size works
space evenly on cookie sheet
I also rolled them in cinnamon sugar

bake 10-15 minutes at 350 degrees
cook slightly longer for larger cookies
less if you want softer cookies

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Let sit a few minutes while the cookies firm up
eat or set cookies aside to use the sheet for another batch

I’ve done several variations of this, from plain chocolate cookies to a breakfast bar loaded with too much good stuff, this recipe hasn’t failed me yet. Even with a barren wasteland of a pantry, I still managed to scrape these together for a potluck in a pinch.

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Pigs in a Blanket

On a cold January night like this one, it is important to remember that your little piggies could be screaming brr brr brrrrr all night long. Bring them in from the cold, wrap them up good and toasty with Zu-Zu Lee’s recipe for Pigs in a Blanket. A classic childhood favorite done cheap, from scratch–

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Preheat oven to 400°
Bake 20-25 minutes

2 cups all-purpose flour
season to taste
1 tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
4 tablespoons butter (cubed)
1 cup bacon bits, onions, garlic (optional)
⅔ cup milk
1 tablespoon white vinegar

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For biscuits, nothing beats buttermilk.
But contrary to what the name may lead you to believe… you cannot just whisk some butter into your milk and presto, butter-milk.

You can, however, whisk some vinegar into your milk.

Buttermilk is acidic, this reacts with the baking soda, releasing air-bubbles in the dough during cooking.
Air rises through the dough, and that’s how breads get fluffy.

For this recipe, we use more common household ingredients:
vinegar for an acid, and regular milk for a liquid.

Measure ⅔ cup milk
Add 1 tablespoon white vinegar
Let sit for about 5 minutes

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nice crispy bacon, saved some for you Mr. Frodo…

While your buttermilk substitute sets, prepare the bacon.
You will want it crispy for shredding into bits.

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In a mixing bowl, sift together your dry ingredients:

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt

Season to taste
If you want to spice up your life a bit, add it here.
I skipped the seasoning step, but these biscuits come loaded with:

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If including this step, finely chop onions, garlic and/or bacon into roughly 1 cup yummy bits.

It was easier for me to shred the bacon by hand and let the puppy lick them clean… whatever works for you.

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Cube 4 tablespoons butter

Toss butter cubes and yummy bits with dry ingredients until coated.
Mash with a pastry tool or potato masher until crumbly.

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Add your buttermilk substitute.
Stir well– it will thicken into a ball of dough.

Let sit for a few minutes to rise.
Clean the dishes. Cue hipster food photoshoot–

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Pat or roll your dough out flat,
cut into rectangular sections.

Roll your pigs up in their blankets with closures tucked underneath.
Pop in the oven to bake for 20-25 minutes

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Hot diggity-dogs!

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A Zu-Zu for You-hoo!

Ode to Cake | | Listening to: Cake – “Open Book”

Sugar rush, baker’s blush
The original candy crush
Cocoa kisses, coo-coo crazy
Batter-up a yum yum
Birthday wishes, wedding dishes
congratulations to the misses
–or there’s plenty of other fishes!
Piece of cake, slice of heaven
Here’s to the servicemen from 7-11
Moissst and tenderly
Rich as I’ll ever be
Whip it up, whip it up baby
Whip those layers, back and forth
Please buy something from my store
Can’t resist, that or this
A desperate peddle, a decadent dish
Grumble grumble that, chew it over with this–

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Preheat oven to 3500
Yields: 2 layers in 9-inch round cake pans

2 ½ cups all-purpose flour
2 cups sugar
¾ cup cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt

Sift dry ingredients thoroughly in mixer bowl

1 cup coconut oil or butter
2 eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla
2 cups milk, water, or brewed coffee

Mix wet ingredients into dry, beat until combined
Batter will be thin (it will rise)
Pour evenly into prepped pans, yields TWO 9-inch rounds

Bake at 3500 for 25-30 minutes
Toothpick inserted in center of cake should come out clean
Remove from oven (caution: hot)
When pans are cool to touch, gently flip cake from pan to cool on rack or plate.

While cake bakes, mix your frosting in same mixer–

1 cup (2 sticks) butter or half coconut oil – softened, but not liquid
½ cup peanut butter
½ cup cocoa powder
2 teaspoons vanilla
4 tablespoons brewed coffee

Beat thoroughly

Confectioner’s Sugar (to taste)

Sift confectioner’s sugar mixing with addition
Need at least a couple cups, mixing with each addition, depending how sweet you want your frosting. The peanut butter in this frosting will thicken it, so you can substitute regular sugar, sweeten to taste roughly a tablespoon with each addition.

Beat thoroughly

Chill before frosting and serving– enjoy (or else!)

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Alas, for I cannot have my cake and eat it to, this photograph shall stand for Chocolate, Peanut Butter, and the Mocha Way in all its neutral pronoun glory

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