Deathrace 2000, 2017, 2050

“My fellow citizens of this great country of ours:
The United Corporations of America–
Why did those pilgrims land on Plymouth rock?”

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“…because they needed a place to stage
the greatest pissing contest known to man!”
#GoldenGate #PeeTUS #PissGate

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“Thaaaat’s right race fans,
great American tradition doesn’t get any. better. than. this.
This is all about freedom–”

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“…the freedom to sit on your big fat ass all day and watch the single greatest sporting event known to man!”

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“Competition! That’s what’s made this country so great.
Welcome to… the DEATH RACE!”

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In hindsight, the dystopian future of year 2000 feels a bit… tame.

Don’t get me wrong– the annual transcontinental death race is a time honored tradition that speaks to any generation– but compared to the real life Idiocracy of 2017, this risque action packed political satire circa 1975, is a blast from the past we always wished we had. On the other hand, looking forward to 2050…

Full body black vinyl gimp suit? Check.

Bitter rival with a lot to compensate for? Check. Check.

It is worth noting here that the “Jed Perfectus” of modern America, played by the fabulous Burt Grinstead,  speaks volumes about the qualities that we Americans value in an idol…
As compared to Sylvester Stallone’s “Machine Gun Joe Viterbo” the macho-man action-star that rivals our Death Race 2000 champion.

Sexy two-timing navigator? Check and mate.

Our taste in women, however, has remained strikingly similar. Affirmative Action be damned, bodacious blonds will always be a sexploitation staple…

Death Race 2050 is like Death Race 2000 super-sized. But while 2000 comes right out and says sex is both a duty and an honor for a navigator, which our 2000 stars enthusiastically partake in… 2050 imagines an anti-hero altogether uninspired by such desires.

Navigator Annie Sullivan– played by Marci Miller (Rebellion: A Star Wars Story, Days of Our Lives)– seductively directs driver Frankenstein to navigate her… but his heart beats more to the mantra of PC quota Minerva’s smash hit “Drive. Drive. Kill. Kill.”

With Death Race 2000 original producer Roger Corman back on board for the transcontinental race of 2050, the two flicks were nearly identical in basic formula, often matching up shot for shot.

Checking out dat-ass while the navigator performs high-speed repairs was a staple in 1975, and today, a beloved classic. Some things will never go out of style.

But I must say, I am partial to the Dino-inspired design that Frankenstein rides in 2050. All in all, the original car designs have withstood the test of time better than the lackluster 2017 models.

“Who wants Virgins? Who wants Chicken Wings? Everybody loves chicken wings! Well guess what y’all, the allmighty has got a Hooters in the sky and it is time to Martyr up–” this too, withstands the test of time, though the original was much more… intimate.

Euthanasia day happens every year, but so does our hero’s soft spot for lambs (and kittens) led to the slaughter…

Surprisingly, one of the biggest differences between the two flicks, was the scoring system. As always, our racers are scored on time and pedestrian fatalities– from sea to shining sea, more space for you and me!

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Teens these days are seemingly indistinguishable from toddlers, and apparently, +10 for women was taking it too far for Roger Corman’s 2017 scoring system.

Fearing backlash from the “PC” majority in 2008, director Paul W.S. Anderson censored his 2008 re-make to tone down the gratuitous violence. Post 9/11 America, wars raging in the middle east, cloned meat deemed safe for consumption, stock markets plunging in a global recession, and the Writer’s Guild of America on strike– society at this time could not handle such nonchalant disregard for the lives of the American citizenry, or for the art of writing… but American prisoners, they were fair game for Death Race 1, 2, and 3.

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As a staunch supporter of prison reform with homage to the great gladiators of ancient Rome, I can’t help but notice that the cult-classic standing of this film franchise only stands to reason that such a spectacle sport would pay for itself… and then some.

Prisoners could go in criminals, and come out as national heroes! Profit surpluses could provide funding for law enforcement and the justice department, while the death toll keeps prison crowding– and general overpopulation– to a minimum.

Dystopia, or more like Utopia? We’ll leave you to decide…
comments are always open

In classic Hollywood formula, our hero and heroine drive off into the sunset, and get down to business repopulating the Earth in the wake of all that death and destruction.

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